Relationship Take-off Runway
Welcome to Your Love Breakthrough! Get Real. Love.
In this edition: The Runway to Relationship Take-off
Perspective – Lift Off on Big Relationship Decisions
Practical Tactics – Letting Go of Solid Ground
Relationship Flight Is the Bee's Knees!
Perspective — Lift Off on Big Relationship Decisions
Most of the time, taking one step at a time is reasonable, safe, and the best thing to do. Most of our days are routine, a gradual move forward, as I discussed in the One Small Step For...Ward message earlier this month.
But at junctures in our romantic connections, we must make a no-turning back action. The metaphorical airplane goes down the runway (one "step" after another, so to speak) until the momentum, force, lift, and all those physics factors make its departure from earth inevitable.
In the same way, big relationship breakthroughs don't happen out of nowhere. Mini, steady, forward motion proceeds the commitment that flight requires. Then, becoming air born is natural, even if there's some apprehension.
Case in point: My parents have lived in the same house (I grew up in) for over 55 years. They've accumulated lots of belongings. They've wisely reversed the arch in the opposite direction by slowly getting rid of excess stuff. When a vacancy opens at the retirement home they're on the waiting list for, they'll have cleared out the house, ready to put it on the market and move to their new quarters suitable for their season of life. The ramp-up and preparation will make the significant move much easier.
Practical Tactics — Letting Go of Solid Ground
The dating process presents potential "lift-off moments": to either part ways or move into committed exclusive dating, engagement, or marriage, for example.
In a partnership, potential "lift-off junctures" might include buying a home, having children, moving, quitting or taking a job.
Regardless of your relationship status, here are some ideas of how you can prepare for stark changes.
Let go of "shoulds": "I should/shouldn't want this", "I feel obligated/sorry for my date/partner."
Let go of what you think is supposed to happen or what you think you want. Identify how you really feel with this person, how they feel about you. Dedicate yourself to acknowledging what is really there, not just what you want or hope to see.
Pay attention to whether conflicts get resolved or deflected and ignored (to inevitably resurface later).
Notice patterns. Are things progressing naturally, mutually in a certain direction?
Casual conversation around big decisions are helpful to take off pressure. Sometimes the big sit-downs are called for. Couples counseling may even help.
The goal is that both parties come to a feeling of peace, "rightness" and not just resignation about that big lift-off. Making yourself present to the reality each step reveals will give you the ability to embrace the change (even if it's a break up) with the ease of taking flight.
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