Polish the Looking Glass
Welcome to Your Love Breakthrough! Get Real. Love.
In this edition: Polish the Looking Glass - How (Not) to Misinterpret
Perspective – Reflect Back What You Witnessed and Understood
Practical Tactics – Discover Truth through Reflecting
Scrub That Looking Glass!
Perspective
Reflect Back What You Witnessed and Understood
We've all been there. The party host says, "Do you want a fifth slice of pizza?" And you say, "Are you saying I'm fat?" The host, taken aback, blurts, "I just wanted to take care of you!" It wasn't offered with judgment, but generosity. Maybe you were judging yourself for being "too good of an eater."
Okay, maybe this example isn't your specific scenario. But you've been involved in something like it. Because of your thought patterns, insecurities, or past experiences, you make interpretations out of events that don't reflect reality.
It benefits us to condition ourselves to err on the side of trust rather than defaulting to conclusions about another's intent.
I'm not saying all American ideals are well, ideal, but one I like is "innocent until proven guilty." It makes sense, because most people really mean well, and those who don't, are mean. And if they are mean, they aren't credible.
In relationships, especially romantic partnerships, it helps to not start by stamping "GUILTY" on your partner's forehead when they said or did something that rubs you the wrong way.
Case in point: Many years ago (and I mean many), I had a boyfriend. I was naive and severely rough around the edges. We were walking down the street and passed a gaudy plaster statue of a voluptuous lady by a store front. As we passed, he turned his head and gawked at it. I stomped and fumed with jealous rage. He was mystified. He only turned his head because it was so weird, not because I had to compete with that thing. He even taught me, "ask before you assume what I did or meant." I never forgot that and try to practice it.
Practical Tactics
Discover Truth through Reflecting
Err on the side of trust. This makes devious or edgy behavior stand out so you can protect yourself.
As my long-ago boyfriend taught me, ask what is meant by a statement that offends you. Give the other a chance to tell their side of the story. In most cases, it is credible and will bring relief.
When you have a conflict or argument, practice (and I mean practice, because it typically doesn't start with perfection) reflecting back each statement with, "What I hear you saying is..." "What did you mean when you said...?" and so on.
In the dating process, you can incorporate a lighter version of this practice as you get to know the other person.
When you allow yourself the luxury of being vulnerable, you open yourself up to connection, learning more about yourself and someone else's point of view, understanding them, and enriching your view of the world and other people. You deepen your appreciation of your partner.
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