Honesty Overload
Welcome to Your Love Breakthrough! Get Real. Love.
In this edition: Honesty Overload
Perspective – Too Much of a Good Thing
Practical Tactics – Growing in Appropriateness of Shares
Is Your Smurf Collection Hidden?
Perspective– Too Much of a Good Thing?
When I worked at eHarmony, it was all too apparent that the #1 requirement people would list on their profile of what they looked for in a partner was honesty.
To avoid "lying", some people took this to the extreme. They listed anything that could potentially be a deal-breaker to keep the wrong people away, to confess dark deeds, or to try and find as many "hooks" as possible.
It worked in theory, but it typically repelled all potential communication, not just the bad matches.
Case in point: When I worked at eHarmony, I worked with a guy on his profile revision because he wasn't getting responses when he messaged matches. He had great, unique, fun and interesting photos and looked like a fun, light-hearted and caring fellow.
Then I read the part about his collection of 500 smurfs. I admired him for putting himself out there, but I also realized that that would be better as something someone who was already getting attached to him. Then, it might be a happy surprise. Upfront, he was disclosing to too many unworthy people--"casting his pearls to the swine".
Practical Tactics– Growing in Appropriateness of Shares
To know how much and what information to share, assess:
Kind of Relationship:
Do you know them at all?
How well do you know them?
Is this information something that will hurt you if they reject you, or will hurt them (if you know them, you might know this).
Type of Information You're Sharing:
Will it breach your security and privacy?
Is it something valuable, appropriate only to share in an intimate relationship?
Is it some fun fact about yourself that sets you apart but is appropriate for public knowledge?
Why you're sharing:
Are you sharing it out of fear? Not being know? Fear of attracting the wrong person? Desperation to connect?
Are you stating it because it's necessary?
Do you feel you need to prove something?
What you're feeling:
Do you feel a compulsive need to share?
Do you feel calm and trusting?
How you're sharing:
Are you gushing information that feels more cathartic?
Can you relate a clear, concise message to someone so they can comprehend, appreciate, and benefit from what you're saying?
The value and depth of what you share usually correlates with the value and depth of the relationship you have with the share-ee.
Unless you're in a nudist colony, you don't go around naked. You don't expose your super special and super ugly bits until it is earned, usually in the safety of a committed partnership.
*Smurf collection photo by Merih Tasli
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