Couples Can't Thrive in a Void
Welcome to Your Love Breakthrough! Get Real. Love.
In this edition: Partnership Doesn't Thrive in a Void
Perspective – Do You Take This Community...?
Practical Tactics – Diversify Your Long Term Cupid Crew
Your Partnership Bridges Your Communities
Perspective
Do You Take This Community...?
When you're single-n-lookin', a Cupid Crew functions as your personal Greek Chorus, cheering you on. Earlier this month, I sent a message about qualities to look for when Recruiting Your Cupid Crew.
Two additional qualities to look for in your team are: Diversity and Longevity.
When you compile a wide range of individuals and groups to socialize with and confide in, you can "cycle" confidants rather than drain a few weary souls and exhaust their resources (and yours).
Like finding a life-long partner, finding a lasting assortment of friends and kindred spirits provides you and them with stability and inter-dependability. They won't bail or run hot and then fall out cold. They'll stick with you through the fat and lean years.
Furthermore, the book Dataclysm by Christian Rudder (the chapter "You Gotta Be the Glue" starting page 81) asserts that when two people join in partnership from different cohesive communities, they strengthen those communities. They also fortify their own union. In fact, statistics reveal that couples who come from the same network have a staggeringly higher breakup rate.
You bond with members of your partner's community, they bond with yours. You become a bridge to diverse worlds.
Case in point: A friend of mine was asked by an acquaintance of hers that she hadn't known that long to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. Once the bride was married, the bride waved off my friend, saying, "I just need to married friends now because they understand me." It hurt my friend deeply. Later, the bride reached out to my friend... about her divorce. Many dynamics must have factored into the demise of that marriage, but it convinced my friend to never abandon her single friends when she got married. She learned to value depth of friendship over meaningless status.
Practical Tactics
Diversify Your Long Term Cupid Crew
While you're searching for a soulmate, or if you have a soulmate, continue bolstering non-romantic connections.
Guard your energy from overly-draining people and endeavors; don't cut off imperative Cupid Crew members.
Find ways to give to your communities that build you and others up.
If you're building a romantic partnership and you don't have strong non-romantic connections, seek life-long friendships where you don't have them (I think of the movie "I Love You, Man" about a guy who embarks on a search to find a best man).
Kindly cut off people and endeavors who you aren't really benefiting and who aren't benefiting you.
Spend time in positive, diverse groups if you're single, spend time in various life-affirming groups together if you're coupled.
Foster family member relationships, and when in partnership, with in-laws.
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