Your Limitations Open Opportunities
Welcome to Your Love Breakthrough! Get Real. Love.
In this edition: Your Limitations Open Opportunities
Perspective – Specific Is Your Ticket
Practical Tactics – How You "Live Life to the Fullest"
Live Life to the Fullest. Take the Specific, Narrow Road.
Perspective – Specific Is Your Ticket
Many daters present their interests, likes and dislikes in generalities because they believe it widens their search net.
Many people subdue these when they're in partnership, too, believing that it promotes "getting along". But:
Without presenting the specifics, daters make themselves invisible to their best matches and, actually, their worst matches. By informing both possible and poor matches, everyone misses out and wastes time and energy.
In relationships, muting yourself can lead to enabling destructive behavior that could be addressed and resolved through peaceful conflict. It also prevents the beloved and others from receiving what only one can contribute.
Case in point: I used this principle as an online dating coach and in my own online dating. Maybe save your "Smurf collection" or other information for at least a few dates in, but lead with central information that sets you apart. For myself, humor and unusual photos drew in some fantastic dates, men I'm happy to have met.
A photo of me holding my friend's pet baby chicky drew my best match of all. Then my profile's heading, "I believe in God, not just the one who rules the Dairy Kingdom" caught my now-husband's attention and assured him of our shared beliefs.
Practical Tactics – How You "Live Life to the Fullest"
In "Passion vs Practicality", I mentioned eHarmony members' cliched answer for "What are you most passionate about?" was "I'm passionate about Living Life to the Fullest," or "family and friends" - clues that they lacked clues about themselves.
Ideally, you can self-reflect before you get on the apps or go out on dates, though sometimes you learn your specifics through the process of dating and relating.
Think through what:
You look forward to that others don't.
Causes you believe in and invest in.
Your faith or disinterest in faith involves.
Things you love, referencing your five senses.
Activities and topics you detest... then consider the opposite (better to mention positives. If you hate sports, mention pastimes you do enjoy. And notice when matches mention sports. This might indicate less compatibility).
These are just a few prompts.
In relating, shutting down your eccentricities and thoughts to please or to keep the peace becomes counterproductive. "The truth will out" - it's only a matter of time. In hiding, you sabotage chances at deeper connection and contributing your gifts and understanding.
Rocking the boat initiates a move toward balance and smoother sailing. Your partner needs you to be present to who you really are. Your partner needs you, not your persona.
Voicing yourself enriches yourself and partnership possibilities...so you and they can "live life to the fullest" in your peculiar way.
If this email was forwarded to you, Sign up to get uplifting messages from Christy Sanborn Grassman.
What you have you missed? Check out past email messages from Christy Sanborn Grassman.