Getting Old Together Never Gets Old
Welcome to Your Love Breakthrough! Get Real. Love.
In this edition: Getting Old Together Never Gets Old
Perspective – Passion That Weathers Change
Practical Tactics – Pinpoint Persevering Passion
He thinks jellyfish are magical. She thinks they're delicious.
Perspective – Passion That Weathers Change
The original eHarmony's matching system was based on Dr. Neil Clark Warren's research results on happy long-term marriages. His findings also concluded that unhappily married couples were more likely to divorce. A pair's compatibility with each other typically caused happiness; incompatibility created their unhappiness with each other.
In all Warren's works that I've reviewed, I only found one mention of the value of commitment to work through differences. Rather, Dr. Warren espoused (pun intended) that it was understandable and advisable for unhappy incompatible couples to split up.
I'm no relationship scientist. But I have witnessed so many couples significantly at odds with each other double down on their commitment to each other, and work through their differences to a fulfilling, lasting life together.
Their passion for each other, and sometimes for commitment itself, transported them to partnership longevity.
Case in point: When a friend of mine met her husband, he fit every item on her husband-wish-list. He didn't play video games or go hunting and fishing like the men in her family (which disgusted her).
Right after telling me this, she handed me the fish her husband had caught and prepared for me because he was too busy playing Halo to hand it to me himself.
She was disappointed in his change. But they've stayed together over 30 years (she brought this up 20+ years ago).
Practical Tactics – Pinpoint Persevering Passion
Because of major changes (in both of them), they had to dig deeper to reinforce and fortify a foundation on which to build the rest of their years together.
In dating and relationships, you can identify the passion for the other that endures the turning tides, then develop practices together to keep the hearth fire blazing:
Self-reflection in times that differences manifest. (My friend learned how the hobbies themselves didn't define a person. Her husband's strong character proved it.)
Ask what originally attracted you to the other. What do you love that's still the same or improved?
Don't ignore differences; have conversations and counseling if needed.
Your partner is an amazing human being, a miracle of life, regardless of what they're going through. Don't equate them with how they used to be, where they're at, or what they struggle with.
If you're dating, think about this too. When you are getting to know someone, is this person someone who you can picture yourself feeling passionate about, believing in this person, through the ups and downs?
You can't change someone. But believing in them and their destiny is powerful for you both. Allowing them to be who they really are can cause them to blossom. Passion produces perseverance to live life as dynamic individuals.